WHEN A CHILD IS VERBALLY ABUSED
As someone who was verbally abused for many years, I strongly disagree with the rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. Verbal abuse is extremely damaging to a person and causes life-long damage in most cases and is as harmful as other forms of abuse such as physical and sexual abuse. I do strongly believe that constant verbal attacks on a child CAN indeed be as detrimental as breaking their bones. In this article I will address the problem of children being verbally abused. The intent of the abuse is to reduce a child’s impression of themselves. The end result is the child believes they are unworthy of love, friendship, respect and protection and grows up with an altered perception of themselves.
The things we say to our children affect them profoundly. It is preposterous to think that some parents bring a child into the world only to end up hurting them. Our job as a parent is to love, protect, teach, uplift, motivate and nurture our children.
What is verbal abuse?
Anything that is said to a child which is offensive, malicious and destructive or diminishes a child’s spirit is verbal abuse. Verbally abused children sometimes grow up to do the same thing to their own children. Often they simply do not realize that they were abused and their behavior is abusive. This is, however, often not the case and abused children grow up to be loving parents.
The consequences of frequent verbal abuse on a child
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Physical aggression
- Criminal behavior
- Difficulty in socializing
- Unstable personalities
- Extreme anger
- Paranoia
- Self-criticism
- Depression
- Anxiety
Over a period of time the child starts to believe all the negative statements and words that are hurled at them. They become extremely self-critical and blame themselves for situations where they are often blameless. Enough cannot be said on the harm that the verbal abuse causes to a child. It has horrendous, life-long consequences and in some cases results in suicide.
Children who have been severely verbally abused will need therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is extremely beneficial. This therapy teaches people to identify their irrational thought patterns and replace them with more positive, rational thoughts.
When should you be concerned?
The perpetrator could be anyone who is involved in a relationship with a child e.g. parents, ministers, neighbors, teachers and friends. If you see a parent belittling or blaming a child in public it is cause for concern. Other warning signs are:
- Describing the child in a negative manner
- Always blaming the child
- Admitting to disliking the child
- An alcoholic or drug abusive parent
- A parent who has a violent temperament
- Openly degrading the child
- Threatening the child with excessive punishment
- Being emotionally cold towards the child
Report abuse or suspected abuse immediately. It is better to be safe than sorry.
If you are verbally abusing or abusing a child in any way, shame on you!